Ugh. I am at an impasse. I have been dancing around the same half stone for months. I don’t blame the diet. I know I haven’t been giving it my all. From around when Gran got ill, there seems to have been an endless flood of things to distract me, or make my stress levels shoot through the roof, along with taking away spare time to make it harder to prepare food, and get exercise. Excuses excuses I know. When will I just get on with it?
Preparation and planning – I agree with the Slimming World lady, are key. And when I am in a certain frame of mind, I do pretty well with it. I don’t do ready meals. And if I do take-aways or restaurants it’s not out of laziness really. More tiredness, or wanting a treat. Going to the pub and for meals is pretty much 90% of my social life / leisure activity. It’s not because I don’t think I can make nice food myself. I can. And some of the Slimming World recipes are really good.
This past week – thankfully not typical, but three trips to London and back in a day – i.e. sat on my arse, sandwich lunches and dinner (and that’s the best case scenario) – not getting in until late. Frequently getting caught out in need of an energy burst when chocolate and crisps are all that’s available. Then the lovely weekend away in Liverpool, when being on holiday, and knowing you’ve already screwed up mean you let yourself screw up a little bit more. I don’t feel bad about that really. Now and again is ok – but it seems just to be again and again. And this weekend coming my OH’s parents are meant to be visiting, so more socialising.
Now – socialising shouldn’t have to mean getting wankered and eating crap. I can probably avoid the eating crap. And cut back the booze. But I just can’t do these things sober, or be around others who are drinking a lot when i am not. Unfortunately it takes a lot to get me tipsy to the level that lifts those pesky inhibitions. One of the many reasons I would be a lot healthier if I were a hermit, far far away from people and their troublesome social engagements. Bizarrely I’d probably get more out of Slimming World if I went drunk. Because I’d talk to people then. But because I don’t know anyone, I don’t. And I see people bonding and chatting, and supporting eachother, and making progress. To be honest it makes me want to not go back because it reinforces my own feelings of inadequacy and shyness. But I can’t give in to that.
So I need a way to build planning and preparation into a life where I can’t get up early on a morning, and where I get in late. Planning and preparation of food for evening meals, and taking to work for lunch – also for taking on train journeys, so not messy. Planning and preparation of the housework I never get done, the writing, the artwork, etc. Oh – and go to the gym. If I plan, then I could use the syns for booze on a weekend. But then that means no foody treats. Or condiments/sauces to make stuff a bit more interesting.
It works for a bit, then a week like this comes and it falls apart. Crisis management skills, that’s what I need. And therapy. Coming off the medication does mean an increased tendency to be a sulky teenager when my Id doesn’t get what it wants. One reason I’m not very good at staying in and being good. Too many nights in and I start to climb the walls and pull my hair out. I’d like to get an addiction to the gym, but everytime I get close my knees, hips and back start to scream.
So. I don’t think I’m going to slimming world tomorrow night. I’m going to give myself a week to try and win back some progress. I’ll go to the gym instead, which I haven’t had time to do for a while. Maybe if I feel better I’ll go and get weighed in Leeds on Thursday. If I get to the gym a couple of times, and try and avoid any excess synage, then hopefully Saturday won’t do too much damage. Wish me luck.
Diet 2011 so far:
Weigh in no.1