Ok. Not quite sure how to say this, or who I’m saying it to, but after a brief chat in my appraisal about how someone finds my blog upsetting I thought I should address it. It was suggested I don’t send links to work colleagues. But I don’t think I do – in the sense of, here is a link in an email to my latest depressive ramblings. I might have sent what I thought were relevant posts in the past, but I haven’t even posted that much recently so it’s a bit odd. Perhaps it’s referring to the link at goes on twitter, or if I have posted a link on Facebook. (which is rare again) but in both cases, if you’re following me, it’s your choice to do so, and I certainly don’t force anyone to click my links.
On my blog, twitter, Facebook, I am in my personal capacity and if I want you to read it in any sense it is as a friend. There may be some library related stuff, but I find I haven’t been able to write much in that vein since I last got told off for writing something less than kind about someone. (in an entirely anonymised form but still. I was freer with my self expression in those days and pretty much wrote about everything.) If you know me, you probably know I suffer from depression, I hate my job, and I might just express a wee bit of displeasure at the government.
I write my blog, when I actually write anything in it, primarily for myself as a form of expression I lack elsewhere. I write to get things off my chest, explore my feelings, defuse my darker moments. Remind myself that it’s not always like that. I also write to try and raise awareness. There are a lot of people out there who don’t understand mental illness. Who don’t (think they) know anyone who suffers with mental ill health. Who don’t see how someone can be fine one day and not there the next. The more people who can express their experience the more likely that perception will begin to change. And there are many who are much more ill than I, who cant, or who just don’t feel able to say how they are feeling. So when I can, I do. I’m sorry if it upsets you, but I won’t change what I write. If it upsets you because you don’t want to read it – then don’t click the links, or unfollow or unfriend me if you can’t trust yourself with that control. Sorry to lose you but it’s your choice. If it upsets you because you are upset for me, thanks, come give me a hug or take me out for lunch.
On the plus side, my manager at least just said, oh, if people choose to follow you then it’s their lookout. Which was better than the time HR said maybe I shouldn’t write about my self harm in case it upset my staff. Not quite telling me to wear a long sleeved jumper but bad enough.