True to form a couple of weeks of relative good behaviour, going to the gym, walking etc – is followed by illness which lays me low. Coincidence perhaps but I must, as soon as I can walk more than three steps without feinting or coughing my guts up, must seize the day, bull by the horns, grasp the nettle, clamber back upon the horse (exercise bike). I need to build these habits to the point where it feels wrong not to go.
I was enjoying it. I generally do. It is more time and mood and energy that gets in the way – the latter two of course benefit when I find the first, but work and commuting and public transport collude to make it hard.
But I will try again.
If… If, I take the plunge and find myself at greater liberty next year, I must make myself build a walk in every day. For fitness, but also the inspiration it brings. The thinking space, that is so hard to find. In the house, I am plagued by should do this and should do that, or worse should have done this or that, a million miles and hours away from when it would have done me any good. For peace of mind I try to chase the thoughts away, mindfully meditate, breathe deeply and calmly. But sometimes you need to think. But have the thoughts be useful, helpful, inspirational. And walking does that, eventually. The first half hour or so you chase away the nagging doubts, and with sweat comes clarity – first the fresh air and beauty around you, a quiet respite, then something stirs and lightbulbs light.
And I want to get fit. If I end up back in some 9-5 sat on my bum scenario, I want the load to be lighter. Who knows what life is like without debt or weight? Both so heavy round your neck, they bend you down until you cannot see the way ahead.
I don’t want to be a willow the wisp. Just not quite so gravid, quicker on my feet. Able to jump down from a wall without fear.
If. If. Of course I might not be let go. And so Plan B must also form. Which will recquire much greater discipline.